Current mood:

aggravated

YOSH'S RULES OF GAS STATION AND LOTTERY ETTIQUITE
1. Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. I know how to count.

2. When pumping gas, LIFT THE FUCKING HANDLE. I WILL RELEASE THE PUMP FOR YOU. THIS WILL ALLOW YOU TO PUMP YOUR STUPID GAS.

3. Don't ask me out.

4. Please bathe.

5. Learn how to flush the goddamned urinal.

6. Because I am standing in the deli, making my dinner, DOES NOT MEAN I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR ASS A SANDWICH. The deli closes at ONE PM. Try getting here earlier, ass.

7. No it's not cute when you send your kid in to buy a 20 pound bag of ice. The bag is as big as the kid. I see a problem in this. >>

8. CHILDREN. Please go to school? Learn how to count?

9. ADULTS. Please go BACK to school and try graduating this time? Learn how to count? AND LEARN HOW TO FUCKING READ.

10. No, I'm not from the South. I don't have a drawl. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND ME? WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M SPEAKING ANOTHER LANGUAGE WHEN I ASK "ARE YOU PAYING WITH CASH?"

11. Kids. You do have to be EIGHTEEN to buy cigarettes and shit. And I do know when you send your older friends in to buy blunts for you. I'm not stupid. I did the same shit.

12. Don't hover by the air machines when I'm changing the garbage bags. I know you're waiting for me to empty them so you can fill them up again. I hate you.

13. High schoolers: NEWS FLASH. It's not cool to hang out at the gas station. In fact, it makes you very, very pathetic. YOU HAVE NO LIFE OH NOES!!1

14. Please don't mumble. Your Southern accent makes it harder for me to understand you anyway, mumbling makes it worse.

15. Pumping gas is really quite simple. Either you lift the handle, pump, and come in and pay; or you put your card in the slot and then pump and drive away. Please don't lift the handle and then put your card in the slot. It makes you look stupid. And it makes us inside laugh at you. Especially when you come in going DUH Y IZ MY CARD NOT WURKING??/?? I dunno...MAYBE COS YOUR TEH STOOPID LOLERZ!!11

16. Don't ask to use our phone. There's two perfectly nice payphones outside. I don't want to catch your illnesses.

17. ATTENTION RICH BITCHES IN HUGE ASS TANK-LIKE SUVS: When you're done pumping your gas, please put the lever back down. Don't come inside, get a soda and ask me how much you've pumped. AND DON'T GET ALL PISSY WHEN I TELL YOU TO PUT THE FUCKING LEVER BACK DOWN YOU WHORES. It's not my fault you don't know what you're doing.

18. I do know what you people buy those little roses in the glass tubes for. None of us were born yesterday. Same goes for those who buy the $1 copper scrubbing pads. D:

19. There is a reason why the lottery is on a separate register. It's so you don't hold up the gas/food customers. Don't get all huffy when I tell you to get in the lottery line. Many of them were there before you. Shut up and move.

20. Lottery customers that come to the main register: It's OK to buy a ticket with your gas. But it's not OK to stand there with 9835698726587265498 Cash 3 slips and hold up the line. You wonder why these people are getting pissed at you? You wonder why I'm talking to someone behind you and having to do strange acrobatic moves to get their money? IT'S COS YOUR STUPID ASS IS THEIR/MY WAY. MOVE THE FUCK OVER OR GO HOME.

21. Hey stupid kid! I got your gas money! If you don't need anything else, go back to your mommy.

LOTTERY

1. When playing lottery, it is important to know what the fuck you're doing. Don't tell me you want Mega Millions tickets when you mean a Mega Bucks scratchoff.

2. Please know how to read the tickets? There's instructions on them. Some say get three like amounts, others two like amounts, and some you have to match the number to the numbers in the little box. Know your game. And don't look at me like I've sprouted another head when I tell you you won jack shit cos you can't follow directions.

3. Don't shove your slips at me. There's other people I'm helping.

4. Don't fucking get all pissy cos your 98259786573862582 Cash 3 slips are taking so long to print. Cash 3 only puts one play per sheet. DEAL. I don't know why you're playing Cash 3 anyway! You only win $500! >>

5. DO NOT LET YOUR STUPID KIDS SCRATCH TICKETS IN THE STORE. YOU HAVE TO BE EIGHTEEN TO PLAY INSIDE THE STORE. TAKE THE LITTLE SNOT MACHINES HOME AND LET THEM SCRATCH THERE.

6. Don't get all pissy when I've just clocked in and I don't have enough money to cash in your ticket. Go to Kroger. They'll cash it for you. >>

7. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY: PLEASE DO NOT POINT AT THE TICKET YOU WANT AND SAY "THAT ONE". I CAN'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE POINTING AT.