Current mood:	infuriated
Current music:	X Japan - Crucify My Love

fuck you (an ode to no one)
There's so much I wish I could say to you right now. Like how you make me feel like dog shit without even trying. All you care about is him. If it doesn't involve him, you don't want to hear it. I'm only here to give you money while you spend yours on his deadbeat, jobless ass. And that's about to stop, the me giving you money part at least.
You fucked him after dating him for two weeks. TWO WEEKS. And you're stupid enough to fall for the "the condom's too tight" bit. Please. You get knocked up, you're out of my life.
You tell me not to run away from my problems. I say something, an observation and you're only answer is "you need help" or "I'm going". You're running away too. You don't see that there's any problem with how you're acting or anything.
You write him love letters and fucking MAIL them to him when you see him at least five times a day. You doodle his initials on all your scrap paper. You're never alone. You're losing yourself and you don't even see it.
He's got you right where he wants you. And you're too fucking blind to everything. You wear his clothes. You wear his hat. You listen to the music he listens to only because he listens to it. You have no other friends besides him and me, and soon it'll be just him...and then you'll be all alone.
You're almost twenty-one years old for fuck's sake! Quit acting like you're sixteen. I know he's your first boyfriend, but you don't have to turn into something you're not just to please him.
I ask you nicely not to be all touchy feely around me. That means the hugging and hand-holding too. When I ask you not to, even though you said you wouldn't, you get all pissed off with me and say "we're not groping each other!" When I say no touching, it means no touching. I thought I said that clearly enough for you the first time. Then you have to throw in "oh it's so hard not to grope him". All you have to do is keep your fucking hands to yourself.
I actually talked to him today. He listens to what I have to say and even offered to talk to you. I said no, cos you'd blow the whole thing out of proportion.
And since when is it so wrong for me to go out and have fun? Is it a crime or something to have people here till 1am when you're over at his house? Why is that so fucking horrible when you've been out till 3am every night this week with him, even when you have to be at work at 10 the next morning? Like I said, if it doesn't involve him, it has to be wrong.
You think it's so wrong for me to make these observations. All I can see is deja-vu. It's high school all over again. You move so fast, and then you hit the wall. Then it's over as quickly as it began and you're left with nothing but hatred and a shattered heart.
Now I ask myself, do I want to be there when you crash and burn? Or will I sit back like the horrible bitch I am and laugh at your patheticness and let you be totally alone? Will I just say "I told you so" and mock you? I don't know yet. I don't know if I can decide yet.
And no. The whole bringing strangers to my bed won't stop. I'm having FUN. No ties. No feeling guilty in the morning. And I'm intelligent enough to boot anyone who won't wear protection out.
Since I started sleeping around, you've gotten so angry. You're jealous cos I get more dick than you do. Well get used to it. My talents are much better than yours.
And on the subject of dick, you won't keep him unless you blow him. Guys that young only think about getting head from their girl. He's gonna get tired of your "oh my gag reflex" bullshit. I have a bad gag reflex too, but I still suck dick like a fucking pro.
You've turned into an immature bimbo almost overnight. And you yell at me about how I changed. Well, yeah. I am what you made me. Broken, angry and so very bitter. You left me alone when I needed you most. Trampled my feelings like they were meaningless. And you expect me to be the way I was. I don't think so. Wake the fuck up. Things are never going to be the same, so don't act like they are still the same. I'm going to remain cold and bitter toward you until you figure that one out.
You are so close to losing your job cos he's always around or you're always calling him. Open your eyes. No one at work knows how to act around you anymore cos you've changed so much, and contrary to your personal belief, you haven't changed for the better. Getting a fucking fake ID is so unbelievably immature. Stupid bitch.
Maybe one day you will listen to what everyone's trying to tell you. Don't let your pride blind you. Or your lust.
And one more thing, stop with your fucking double standard. I didn't want you home last night so you wouldn't hear what was going on. That doesn't give you the right to bitch to MY friends about it and acting like you're the injured party. They see how you treat me. And they're not happy.
So again, wake up. Wake up or you're going to be alone so very fast.